This week

Why do I shut down emotionally? –

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A Tribute to the Man I love

I met Robert 17 years ago thru, believe it or not, a dating service. We had coffee at a Tim Horton shop in Ottawa. We were both surprised by our shared values and our life experiences. All went just as one would expect two people with complex PTSD would, very guarded. Then the Lord stepped in! We went to hold hands for the first time when it happened. A surge of electricity went thru both of us and we knew. We were joined together by God in that moment. Neither of us have ever regretted it, our lives were changed. Robert promised to take care of me that day and he has never let me down.

We have been thru a lot since then. Robert’s back issues from a work related injury (he was a public transit driver), I had a psychic break as a result of prescription interaction that lasted 3 years, various betrayals and set-backs by other so-called friends, Robert was beaten by a gang of young men on his bus in 2017 ( that broke him) and then after all of this, Robert came to know Christ about a year ago.

Thru all this one thing was constant. Robert kept his promise to take care of me. If you have read my other posts you will understand. There was a huge learning curve to that. When he came to Christ, the Lord helped him to know the how and why of that care. I would say simply our lives were transformed. Gone was the confusion, the rage against the world and the lack of confidence

My husband is now a godly man. He is wise, compassionate and truly loving towards everyone. He loves the Lord with his whole heart and he takes care of each person God sends him. He is very humble and he is always hospitable (he loves to prepare turkey dinners for people)

I cannot express the depth of love I have for my husband. It truly has gotten better with every passing year. He is my best friend, my caregiver, my confidant and my disciplarian. He has shown me Christ’s love as any Christ-led husband should. He is my Head and for that I am grateful. Thank you Jesus for him. I don’t deserve this!

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I would like you to show me the Bible verses for the following accepted doctrines of the Church

The Rapture

Sabbath keeping in the New Testament

Worship structure in the New Testament

You chose your favorite, pretrib, midtrib, post trib

Where we are bonded to follow The Law of Moses – the 613 commandments and the Feasts

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mental disabilities and the church

I have lived with DID probably since I was a teenager however I was not diagnosed until I was in my 30’s. It is a diffcult disorder to diagnose – sometimes it’s that subtle. As the article above states there is no cure, no medication, and no real therapy other than helping a person to cope with the “switches”. I live with the knowledge that at any time I can “disappear ” for a few minutes, a few hours, a few days or even a few months. I suffer constant headaches just before and during a switch.

I tell people like pastors, health care providers and the like that I have DID and I try to inform them about it.

When pastors either ignore the information or use it against me (I am supossedly demon-possessed). This causes so many problems that I am uncomfortable being around them. There is little compassion or understanding. I can accept this from the world but it is hard to find a fellowship that pays more than lip-service to the concept of family of Christ. This leaves me often with no place to worship and no fellowship. There are very few people who have the ability or desire to understand. This automatically puts me at odds with my Lord’s desires for his followers. I am exhausted trying to find a church/a fellowship that can cope. And I get really sad and rejected. I cannot prevent these episodes but I feel I have to comfort all those affected instead of being accepted just the same as someone with a physical disability. So, if I sound a little harsh, this is the reason. I AM SO TIRED of the rejection, of getting my hopes up only to be let down by what I only can describe as total lack of understanding of what Jesus commanded regarding the vulnerable of the world. There is only one person in my life who looks past the disability and who genuinely loves me. I married him.

So do yourself a favor and acknowledge that your heart isn’t as compassionate as you claim, repent, recognize the daily suffering of some people, drop the self-centered attitudes and learn true compassion.

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What has happened to righteousness?

I thought that when you receive the Holy Spirit your life begins to be transformed. We are to begin to walk like Jesus walked, to talk like Jesus talked. My understanding is that Jesus wants his disciples to be more righteous than the Pharisees and the scribes of the time.

Am I wrong? When you question bad behavior in the church is it not our duty to confront it? I cannot accept the lame excuse that we are all flawed as if there is nothing anyone can do about it so accept it. These same people are eager to lay out massive rules, however, on people like me. It never ceases to amaze me the level of hypocrisy in those churches who claim to be the one true church. If they were indeed the one true church, you would think they would be the most like Jesus.

I have never claimed to be perfect. I strive every day to imitate my Savior however. When did the church start accepting sinful and unrighteous behavior?

And you wonder why it is so impossible to reach people with the Gospel? They see only the hypocrisy of the churches not the face of Christ. I no longer am comfortable in their pews or want to associate with those who are not learning to be the representatives/ambassadors of Christ. I am returning to a hermit’s life. I can better bring people to Christ on my own. The churches have lost touch of Christ and His teachings.

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From scriptures

Nice By Sharon Hodde Miller

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Niceness is killing the Church

Nice By Sharon Hodde Miller • Devotional

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About me

This is how I see myself internally. By the time this photo was taken I had experienced mental, physical, emotional and sexual abuse from my own family and from most of my peers. You see my mother rejected me as soon as I was born – I was not the red-haired boy she wanted. My father was equally disappointed. I was born legally blind and my left side bones were malformed. It took 11 years before I would get my first glasses. Until then, I had lived in a very blurry world with no depth perception. I would trip and fall over my own shadow and for the life of me, I could not place objects on tables. My back was so twisted I was in constant pain from trying to have a good posture. Life was not easy from the start.

I tell you all this not for sympathy but so you can understand why I am nearly a recluse. Please do not take it personally but rather understand that it doesn’t occur to me that you want to know me as me. The world has not been kind to me from a early age.

This is me today. I have been thru a lot but the one constant in my life has been Jesus. From 9 years old, Jesus was my only friend. Jesus and I have had a daily dialog for most my life. Yes I took Jesus as my personal Savior when I was 27. For me, it was a matter of pledging fealty to my already King. I acknowledged my devotion to Christ with baptism.

So, when people try to convince me that my long friendship with Jesus is an illusion, I dismiss their comments. They do not know what they are talking about.

So, if you want to be my friend, there are a few things you need to understand. I do not like liars. I am an empath I know when you are lying or being deceitful. I get physically sick when people use vulgar language especially the famous f-word. I do not like physical contact especially hugs at the beginning. I takes me awhile to warm up to people. I have an I.Q higher than 95% of the world and I study everything and anything. I read constantly and the internet is my library. I am direct, blunt and truthful. I am logic based rather that emotion based. I am not interested in competition with anyone and generally I am more co-operative. I am a pacifist, violence makes me ill and so does confrontation. I am who God meant me to be not some creature to be used by the self-important for their own selfish desires and needs. I answer to God and I could care less about your opinion of me so back-off. I am here for one purpose – to fulfill the Great Commission. If that’s your passion too, let’s talk.

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My Personality Ruffles People.

Here I am, having lived for almost 70 years, still having to defend how my Creator made me, go figure!

I am 100% introverted, insanely committed to Jesus, passionate about His teachings. I am a kind person but there are very few that would say I am nice. Sometimes a swift kick in the pants (verbally, of course) is the most kind and loving thing I could do for my spiritually asleep brothers and sisters in Christ.

I came to Christ and was baptized 41 years ago this month in the river that flows thru Merrickville, Ontario. Within a year, I lost my husband, my farm and my fellowship. I returned to my abusive family ashamed, broken-hearted and very lost. The loneliness, grief and isolation was so intense I had a mental breakdown. It took the better part of 20 years to heal and I still bare the scars of that. I met my husband 17 years ago and I now know love for the first time in my life.

Thru all these trials I have learned a few things about Christ that are written permanently on my heart:

Jesus gave those who wish to be His disciples 3 commandments, read Matthew 22: 34-40 and Matthew 28: 16-20

Jesus gave clear instructions of what He expected of His disciples: Matthew 5-7

The relationship He has with His disciples is a personal one. The depth of it is dependent on the individual.

The Holy Spirit was sent to instruct, guide and comfort us.

The Old Testament covenant was between God and the Israelites. The New Testament covenant is between Jesus and the whole world.

The teachings of Christ found in the New Testament are clear. Any interpretation of the Word is merely the opinion of flawed individuals. It is only beneficial for clarification

So, to those who like to argue that I am not a good Christian, I do not need your validation I have Christ’s.

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